Today has been a real battle of the wills.

My old will vs what I’d like to believe is my new, emerging will.

Around 9 o’clock this morning there was a huge bang and the windows rattled. While I was making sure another one of the neighbors hadn’t accidentally blown up their meth lab (like last month), another massive crash came from downstairs. Well, duh! Obviously the landlord had sent his guy over to demo the bathroom of the not-even-12-hours-cold-from-the-last-tenant unit, and hadn’t bothered to give me any notice.

I’m not going to lie, I could feel the rage building. Every second that passed with another major BOOM coming from below my bedroom made me angrier and angrier. It’s not like I haven’t lived here for 9 years. It’s not like the guy doesn’t know I’m (technically) self-employed. It’s not like the courteous and perhaps legal thing wouldn’t be to give a tenant notice. And what about the rad sauce tile The Counting Crows had put in when they owned it back in the day?? All that art deco goodness going down the drain for no reason made me so pissed mad.

And then the victim thinking started creeping in: WHY ME? WHY CAN’T THIS B*TCH RESPECT ME (and the tile)? HOW DOES EVERYONE ELSE WHO MAKES LESS MONEY THAN ME SEEM TO BE ABLE TO AFFORD TO BUY A HOUSE?

And then I shut that voice off. I got up from where I had crawled back into bed to feel sorry for myself, took a deep breath and texted my landlord to tell him I would have really appreciated some notice. Believe me, I would have preferred to call but he has a real knack for not answering unless he places the call first. Landlord 101, if you know what I mean. *find a happy place*

Then I listed something on eBay, packaged an item that sold, made sure the cats were in check and pedaled off on my bike.

Suck on that.

afterlight

I’ll be back later this week to talk about getting out of the hole. Still thinking about where to start. In the meantime, ditching the victim mentality and taking charge of what I can control are two things that have been crucial for me.

Also, eating ice cream as a reward. Haha!