All hell broke loose in here the other day when I decided to get a bag of clothes together for Goodwill and instead managed to fill an entire closet full of things to sell or give away. We’re talking the good stuff: Jen’s Pirate Booty, Free People, MOTHER and even Isabel Marant.

I’m nervous, but it feels good.

Between last summer and December I cut my closet in half. A LOT of stuff went out the door and I haven’t missed a single piece. In the past calendar year I haven’t replaced much either. I’ve enjoyed living with less.

It feels kind of weird, but mostly awesome, to not constantly think about what I’m going to buy next. The clothes I’ve kept get worn much more than before. My favorites are still my favorites and that’s been a great learning experience. I have enough. I’m happy with what I have. I am enough.

I’m learning I live in patterns. When I’m nervous or stressed, I sometimes anesthetize myself with things. Buying them makes me feel like I can take care of myself, having them makes me feel safe, like a cushion. Holding myself accountable to only replace things that have worn out or are out of style has been a great exercise. Getting rid of things I don’t wear anymore and not replacing them with anything has pushed me outside my comfort zone. Developing that discipline has been painful at times, but really rewarding. I see things more clearly. I’m a more content person.

The other day I took it to the garage where there are a couple of rubbermaids filled with old stuff I’ve slowly been getting rid of. Losing parts of my memory from the stroke freaked me out. Every time I get rid of a piece of old clothing attached to a fun time I had in my 20’s or 30’s,  it’s hard for me. What if something happens and I need my memory jogged? What if I don’t have anything to jog it?

Chris: this is one thing you should be happy to forget about:

10593242_811278482246247_1768928064_nYes those are culottes. No, there are no words.

Seriously though, I can’t shake this gut feeling that I need to heave-ho most of my stuff. It’s so strong it chases me from the moment I open my eyes until I go to bed at night. Not sure what this is all about, but here goes nothing. Or is that everything? Therein lies the question.