I just want to say that the holidays are not for everyone.

On Sunday morning I got up, lost my shit and ripped all the ornaments off the tree. All that’s left are the balls (symbolic, I’m sure). Every time I added an ornament in the days leading up, I fought the urge to take it off and whip it back in the box. Damn did it feel good to finally give in. So good that I went and drank a margarita, peeled over to the Thai place and polished off the spiciest curry I could handle.

What does it mean? It means I’m not feeling Christmas this year.

Pass the phat phrik khing, please.

Last week I abandoned the social media. Everything has turned into an affiliate link. I don’t want to click the link. I don’t want to likeitknow or whatever the fuck that is. Can’t you just tell me what it is without getting paid? Is everything just a dollar sign now? Logging off was the first sign I was out of sorts because as soon as I did, I felt lighter, better…until I went to Target and joined the hordes of bedraggled and confused moms and grandparents also looking for the Dinobot. None of us even knows what it is, we just want January 2nd to get here ASAP. Preferably without any door dings in the parking lot.

God help us all.

And how about those expectations (a statement, not a question). THE EXPECTATIONS. What ever happened to keeping it simple? Do I have to go to 4 houses and see everyone’s engagement ring and kid that I, while being happy for in general, don’t really care about? What’s with the side eyes and exasperated gasps when I dare mention I’d like to go to the movies that day? The nerve of me (insert my own side eye). Why are there so many assumptions about all the things I can supposedly get done and places I can be just because I’m single and don’t have kids? Most importantly, why can’t I be in the Caribbean on a floatie??

So if you’re out there feeling like me, you’re not alone and we’re not bitter Betty’s. Let’s raise a glass to 8 more days of ABC Family and guilt-free cookie consumption, as well as avoiding the most commercial time of the year. I think I’ll go walk around my neighborhood tonight; nothing takes the edge off like some twinkly lights.

::Come to think of it, why did I abandon the minis and put those big lights on the tree this year? Don’t I know that you don’t make major decisions when in crisis?::