One step forward, wait have I used that one before?

January 22, 2015

Over the holidays I heard someone say: Bad things happen fast, but we have to live through them slow.

Okay fine I heard it on General Hospital (long time guilty pleasure) and cried like a baby. I actually still have the episode saved on my DVR and sometimes watch it over and over again. It helps me feel less alone.

It would only figure that as soon as I said I was going to help Chris in the kitchen, my health went in the crapper. The past couple weeks have basically sucked. My right side is incredibly weak, I don’t have much energy and, not that it has anything to do with anything, the laundry is piled sky high. How can this be when I sold or gave away almost everything? Who only knows.

Remember when I said in that 2014 wrap up post that I was was going to try and just take things as they come, let things unfold naturally? Well as it turns out, living through things slowly is not my forte but the universe is determined to make me better at it. Work that muscle, girl. NO I DON’T WANNA. You’ll do it and you’ll like it! Sound familiar? Anyone, anyone?

Not having any energy is, quite literally, a drag. I’m so tired of it. Yawns.

So there you have it. Murphy’s Law has kicked me in the ass and I’m back in bed. Stroke recovery 101: just when you think it’s over, you need another nap. I did manage to go to work with Chris for a few hours on Monday and roll out some apple galettes. It was pretty good, except for when he was trying to do everything and I had to tell him to STAND DOWN FINE SIR, I’VE GOT THIS. That was fun.

In the meantime I’m back to riding my bike, walking to the beach, earthing, dousing myself in essential oils, and reading or watching uplifting/meaningful things in 5-10 minute intervals between naps. I’m even avoiding sugar, corn, margaritas and all the good stuff for the next few weeks to strengthen my gut. Lays down and cries missing spicy cucumber margaritas. So in summary I’m riding the bandwagon of trends in self-care, but hey, whatever works.

One major bright side in all of this, and I am always looking for the bright side, the meaning, the doorway to what’s next, is I have met a pile of new cats lately on my spins. It’s like Benjamin Franklin put out an SOS on my behalf to make up for jumping on my face in the middle of the night and giving me a swollen eye. I’m trying to update the tumblr a little everyday because I’ve taken so many pictures of cats I’m actually out of storage on my phone. Get there.

Here’s a little something to whet your whistle. Cat in a tree (sort of)!photo 14

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  • Reply Jen January 23, 2015 at 1:28 pm

    I have never watched GH but that quote makes me think I should start! So very true. And once hardship is behind you, it seems like a blip on the radar, but when you are IN IT…it can feel never-ending. And even knowing that someday it WILL be behind you doesn’t necessarily help when you need it to improve RIGHT. NOW. The frustration is part of the motivation to continue to persevere. I am so glad you have the bike…and the cats…and the ocean! And laughter truly is great therapy so I hope you are exercising that great sense of humor you have on a daily basis! I am thinking of you!!

    • Reply This Free Bird January 29, 2015 at 6:10 pm

      That’s so true. When I was recovering from my first stroke it was mostly a blur, but seemed to go on and on. Then when we were in Big Sur this past August I felt like I had moved beyond it, but honestly I could still remember that it took a long time to feel stronger, more like my old self. This time I feel very in the moment and like the freaking moment is not changing too much, even though I know it has to be because I can pedal my bike for more than a block or two and I couldn’t do that a couple months ago. Must.persevere.

  • Reply Marla January 22, 2015 at 3:35 pm

    I’m raising my hand over here…boy, living through things slowly is not MY forte either! Yet, the Universe has other ideas for us, since she knows we are resilient, courageous and have sparkling senses of humor. I read somewhere recently that recovery (this was in reference to abusive relationships but I think it applies to so much in life) is like a figure 8, no matter how much we want it to be a straight line trending steeply upward. I thought it was a great metaphor. Great weather on tap for the next few days, perfect for bike riding and random cat conversations!

    • Reply This Free Bird January 29, 2015 at 6:06 pm

      I guess better a figure eight than a friggin’ circle. The weather was pretty great last week – perfect for catspotting! (and naps)

  • Reply Rosa January 22, 2015 at 2:51 pm

    OK, I don’t watch General Hospital but I have to start doing so, that quote is so true and it hit home (I am trying to contain my tears as I write this).
    I am sorry about this setback but your willingness to fight back is so great that I know you will triumph over it. I know it’s easy to say that things will get better, but they do. In the meantime, you have to take anything good like cat watching and bike riding and cherish it. It’s the little things that make a difference in the process of getting through a rough period. Hang in there.

    • Reply This Free Bird January 29, 2015 at 6:04 pm

      Welllll I wouldn’t call General Hospital exactly profound by any means, but I’ve been watching with my mom since I was in high school so it’s kind of tradition. That said, it kind of showed me that life can hand you a zinger of inspiration from any direction and that was encouraging 🙂 As for the other stuff, just trying to hang in there doing a bit at a time and not let the frustration get me down. Thanks, Rosa. xo

  • Reply Courtney January 22, 2015 at 1:27 pm

    I’m sorry about the setback – but I know you’ll triumph eventually. Your spirit is too indomitable not too!!!!! In the meantime, enjoy the cat watching whenever and wherever you can….sometimes it’s the little things.

    Courtney ~ Sartorial Sidelines

    • Reply This Free Bird January 29, 2015 at 6:02 pm

      I think the little things, might be all the things. And cat’s are pretty much EVERYTHING. Might be losing it, might be finding my calling. Haha!

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