The summer of idgaf

June 24, 2015

If you want to depress yourself, try on a bathing suit.

If you really want to depress yourself, try on a bathing suit after 40.

For as long as I can remember, as soon as spring hit I went into summer bikini mode. Lunging around the house, avoiding carbs, making friends with workout videos – all those things got put on the high priority list. Last week in the midst of my meltdown, I managed to get inside myself and get quiet. What’s going on with me? Why does everything feel like it’s spinning out of control? (because it is) Why can’t I get centered?

It’s no secret that my life is currently brimming with a lot of uncertainty. Answers don’t appear to be on the horizon. I’m nervous.

I feel like my senses are always on overload.

It’s exhausting.

After that meditative moment, I felt like I got my grip back a little. I disconnected from social media, focused on organizing things around the house and worked at the restaurant. I put my priorities back in check. It helped.

The other day one of my friends was talking about the ongoing conflict between a bag of cookies and the need to look great in a bikini. At one point I said, ‘You know, I’m so tired of giving an eff about this stuff. I just don’t care anymore.’ I mean really, who’s it all for? I’m not saying go off the rails or be unhealthy and gain a mil, but the race for uber thin is, at its heart, more about how you want other people to see you and less about who you are inside as a person. Although I guess it does kind of reveal where your head’s at.

So anyway, I’ve decided to make this the summer of idgaf because, really, I don’t. The meaningless things I’ve noticed myself caring about again recently – a glitch of cellulite, depriving myself of a margarita, wondering if I should buy some stuff I probably don’t need (because I already bought some other stuff I didn’t need) to spruce up my summer wardrobe – I don’t want to get caught up in those. They’re just distractions, temporary band-aids. I managed to drop a lot of superficial worries after my stroke and I don’t want to pick them back up.

In the spirit of not wasting any time on this, yesterday I got out the summer cushions and blankets for the deck, swept, and started washing everything. Today I ordered a couple of books, began plotting my reading list and unpacked the warm weather clothes. Things are looking up. Provided the bottom doesn’t fall out, I hope to take a couple simple trips this summer. Easy ones to recharge my spirit. I think I’ll ride my bike, hit the beach and earth as often as I can. Take in a  few late night movies, not worry about what time it is, finally have a bonfire. I’m hoping to reconnect with some of my faraway friends, maybe have a sleepover and relive fun memories. Nothing groundbreaking, just enjoy the summer for what it is.

I’m not going to count calories.

I’m not going to lunge around.

I’m not going to deprive myself of chips and salsa (unless I get hives).

I’m going to have that margarita or glass of sweet tea.

I’m making peace with myself.


You only live once.

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  • Reply Nadia June 25, 2015 at 4:15 am

    Hoping on the IDGAF bandwagon. I had my third baby three weeks ago and if I DO GAF, it will be December until I deem myself “ready” to wear one.

    Ps. Your summer plans sounds divine. I hope you get to do all the things you want to do, plus more 🙂


  • Reply lena June 24, 2015 at 6:37 pm

    I am definitely having that margarita and those chips this summer–life is just too damn short not to!

  • Reply christin June 24, 2015 at 4:32 pm

    LOVE THIS! I am doing the same.

  • Reply Claire June 24, 2015 at 4:32 pm

    A summer of IDGAF sounds pretty fantastic to me.

  • Reply Jen June 24, 2015 at 12:26 pm

    OK, first of all, let me just say that if you really want to depress yourself, try on a bathing suit after 40 IN EARLY FEBRUARY. I did it this year and it was’t a smart move. And I already said this, but the girl in the pic looks bikini ready to me. Go for it!!

    That being said, I think that being bikini-ready is mostly a state of mind. I know women who don’t fit the stereotype of bikini bod who get right out there with no qualms, and then there are women who are ripped and fit who are hiding out in those tank suits with a skirt like my grandmother used to wear. Whatever works!

    Life is balance. I’m with you. You know me, I’m all about keeping your bod in a healthy state. But it shouldn’t come at the expense of a healthy spirit or mind. Gotta take care of the whole person, inside and out! If you only focus on one of those two…the other suffers.

    It sounds like you have some great summer plans…enjoy it all!!

  • Reply Carey June 24, 2015 at 11:00 am

    “I managed to drop a lot of superficial worries after my stroke and I don’t want to pick them back up.”

    Amen. You’re awesome. Enjoy it. You deserve it.

    I think I always say this, but, I needed to read this. So, thank you. ❤️❤️

  • Reply Lori June 24, 2015 at 10:18 am

    I am standing and clapping right now ~ what a great post Carrie ~ like Cass said ~ life is too short. xoxo

  • Reply Cass June 24, 2015 at 7:08 am

    AWESOME !!! You go girl right there with you on enjoying the Marg ‘s & being ok with it life’s too short

    Luv yah xoxoxo ❤️

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