This is all that’s left of Halloween.
My friend Kelly came over and we whooped it up until two in the morning over a mean charcuterie board, half a pound of See’s assorted nuts and caramels, a box of Cheez-its and a bag of Justin’s Peanut Butter cups. We’d made plans to have a coloring party and watch scary movies (RAGER), but somehow only managed to eat a bunch of food and talk about random stuff between knee-jerk reactions to whatever scene popped up on tv.
- “This is Michael Meyers in Halloween II. How did you know that? Oh I watched it last night.”
- “How do they not see him behind the sheet? I mean he is RIGHT THERE behind the sheet. Sheet lady, SHEET.”
- On Instagram: “I’m pretty sure the ‘TL’ this person is talking about is Twiggy, but they don’t realize she’s been going through some things and can’t keep up with her stained glass.” Me (dying laughing): “Who the f*ck is this Twiggy and hold the phone what is going on behind you with Freddy Kruger?…Is that his name?”
- “I think she’s in a dream state. She’s going into a basement in the basement. A basement in a basement? Okay you know this isn’t good. She is definitely in the dream state.”
- “No she’s fine. Her alarm went off, she’s fine. Unless her alarm only went off in her dream then she’s not fine. WHOA THERE HE IS! Nosheisnotfine! How did this go again, is he a burn victim or something?”
- Me: “You know I finally realized the other day that IE stands for Inland Empire.”
- “Look at that blood pouring out of the wall. Damn if Jack Nicholson wasn’t a fox back in the day.” That last part was in my head but whatever, still true.
In our defense, Benjamin Franklin didn’t exactly help create a zen coloring environment with his wailing and screaming to be let outside until after midnight when he finally flopped down and let it go just like Zelda or Esmeralda or whoever that is.
Easily the best Halloween I’ve had in years. In the afternoon I whipped over to Target, scored the last spider webs and even decorated the outside of the house. Burst of energy, where have you been all my life?
Aside: there was a checkout girl in Target dressed like a cat in a bag and I was not shy about letting her know that cats in a bag is one of my favorite expressions so I would probably be stealing her costume idea in the future (even though I haven’t dressed up for Halloween since I was 11). When I turned around there was a LINE behind me, but that cat in a bag did not care. She was o-ver people asking her if she was trash can cat. As if that’s a thing.
Although only 22 kids showed up at my place, the one who screamed, “You have gum? Gum?? GUM IS LIFE!” made it all worthwhile. Especially when her brother said, “Oh yeah? How you plan on eating that with your mouth sewn shut? Wait. Lady you have fangs in there? I’ll take two.” That’s when I looked up and noticed a pretty incredible zombie princess whose mouth really DID appear to be sewn shut. Why didn’t I ever think of this crap when I was a kid? Why didn’t I ever ask for two?
You know, kids have it made. Coloring books and candy on Halloween and crazy single women telling them to go ahead and take an entire handful, not just a piece, as long as you leave enough for others. Isn’t that what life is all about?
Come to think of it, I have two of those three down pat.