ho ho no

December 18, 2014

I just want to say that the holidays are not for everyone.

On Sunday morning I got up, lost my shit and ripped all the ornaments off the tree. All that’s left are the balls (symbolic, I’m sure). Every time I added an ornament in the days leading up, I fought the urge to take it off and whip it back in the box. Damn did it feel good to finally give in. So good that I went and drank a margarita, peeled over to the Thai place and polished off the spiciest curry I could handle.

What does it mean? It means I’m not feeling Christmas this year.

Pass the phat phrik khing, please.

Last week I abandoned the social media. Everything has turned into an affiliate link. I don’t want to click the link. I don’t want to likeitknow or whatever the fuck that is. Can’t you just tell me what it is without getting paid? Is everything just a dollar sign now? Logging off was the first sign I was out of sorts because as soon as I did, I felt lighter, better…until I went to Target and joined the hordes of bedraggled and confused moms and grandparents also looking for the Dinobot. None of us even knows what it is, we just want January 2nd to get here ASAP. Preferably without any door dings in the parking lot.

God help us all.

And how about those expectations (a statement, not a question). THE EXPECTATIONS. What ever happened to keeping it simple? Do I have to go to 4 houses and see everyone’s engagement ring and kid that I, while being happy for in general, don’t really care about? What’s with the side eyes and exasperated gasps when I dare mention I’d like to go to the movies that day? The nerve of me (insert my own side eye). Why are there so many assumptions about all the things I can supposedly get done and places I can be just because I’m single and don’t have kids? Most importantly, why can’t I be in the Caribbean on a floatie??

So if you’re out there feeling like me, you’re not alone and we’re not bitter Betty’s. Let’s raise a glass to 8 more days of ABC Family and guilt-free cookie consumption, as well as avoiding the most commercial time of the year. I think I’ll go walk around my neighborhood tonight; nothing takes the edge off like some twinkly lights.

::Come to think of it, why did I abandon the minis and put those big lights on the tree this year? Don’t I know that you don’t make major decisions when in crisis?::

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  • Reply Judy Carpenter December 25, 2014 at 7:26 pm

    I have trouble every year at this time. But then no tree to take down. I’m sure that there are psychological reasons for my difficulties but I just think about the past too much at this time. Being almost 70 probably doesn’t help much. I do check to see if you have posted and worry when you don’t. I hope your days can be peaceful. That is what I’m working toward this year.

    • Reply This Free Bird December 31, 2014 at 4:15 am

      I hope you found some happiness and peace this holiday season, Judy. I’m still kicking and will try to get on some sort of posting schedule. God only knows what that’ll look like, but hopefully more regular. I don’t know if you’re on the dreaded facebook, but I do have a TFB page on there and post random stuff more regularly – just in case you’d like to chime in. Would be happy to see you 🙂

  • Reply lena December 18, 2014 at 9:52 pm

    THIS. I love the shit out of Christmas, but I turn myself into such a nervous wreck trying to make everything perfect, and this year, we even skipped the tree! John made it happen with garlands all over the place, but I just don’t care about making the holiday perfect for everyone else, or being the bringer of all the holiday cheer. To cookies and cocoa and Champagne and January 2nd!

    • Reply This Free Bird December 31, 2014 at 4:14 am

      I hate to be a Scrooge, but I’m so glad it’s almost January 2nd. The tree’s a friggin’ fire hazard and I’m entirely over chocolates. WHO AM I RIGHT NOW?

  • Reply Kim December 18, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    I have never been a big Christmas person and I refuse to feel guilty about it! I enjoy certain aspects of it – the lights, the songs, the movies – but some years I put up a tree and some I don’t, no big deal. It’s a lot of work and expense and I’m like you – I’d rather just go to a movie.

    • Reply This Free Bird December 18, 2014 at 6:37 pm

      I hear you. I think it’s about whatever is meaningful to you. It should be a time to reflect and spend time with family or friends (if you choose) or just a quiet space to slow down, tree or no tree. Although I do love a tree even if it only has lights. 🙂

  • Reply Courtney December 18, 2014 at 12:58 pm

    Likeitknow is similarly driving me batty…it may be that I don’t fully “get” it but I’m pretty sure it’s just that I think it’s stupid and irritating. My husband really loves Christmas so I get dragged along for the ride each year but I rarely ever feel it. I just sort of role with the punches and quietly roll my eyes in the corner. It’s working for me.

    Courtney ~ Sartorial Sidelines

    • Reply This Free Bird December 18, 2014 at 6:36 pm

      Egg nog could also help. Or my personal favorite: Canadian Club. I’m like Julian and Ricky’s sister over here.

  • Reply Nadia December 18, 2014 at 5:50 am

    Who are these ignorant people that assume you have idles of free time just because you don’t have kids? For one, that is just stupidity and two, with everything you have been going through in the past few years.. well, that assumption just makes me ragey.

    As Jen said above, you don’t owe anyone any explanations. Sometimes we feel things, other times we don’t. Sometimes there are reasons, other times there aren’t.

    Re: likeitknow, if I see that one more time.. I agree, it’s infuriating that everywhere you turn there is an affiliate link. Blogs aren’t even blogs anymore. They are magazines. Worse even. Remember when I said I was slowly trying to rid myself of those toxic blogs? Well, all this affiliate crap made it MUCH easier. You are right, everything is much lighter without that stuff in our faces.

    Also, I personally love a tree with only lights 😉

    xo Nadia

    • Reply This Free Bird December 18, 2014 at 6:35 pm

      Idk why, but reading this just made me feel so much better. Plus I laughed out loud which always helps. Whatever happened to a blog being a blog? This is how we know we’re old I guess. Veterans. Haha!

  • Reply Hilary December 18, 2014 at 3:26 am

    Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes!!! I have been feeling so blah lately (our tree still has only the lights on – I haven’t had the energy/desire/Christmas Spirit or whatever that is to put the ornaments on) and it wasn’t until I read this that it finally clicked: I’m also just not into Christnas this year. The stresses of work, of making small talk at Christmas parties, of being “on” all the time is just so exhausting and this year all I want for Christmas is a day in my jammies with Doritos and all the Sex & the City episodes I can watch in one day. And sleep. Thank you for validating my blah-ness!!!

    • Reply This Free Bird December 18, 2014 at 4:00 am

      Hilary! Holler!

      I usually love Christmas and look forward to it so much. This year December just blew by so fast in a flood of sales/ads/emails and I think it was too much for me. Turning off really helped, so there might be some remedy there?

      If it helps any, I know of at least one other person besides us who only has lights (and I have the balls too now, I guess). It’s actually soothing to just enjoy it while a candle burns (not too closely hahahaha!) by.

      I’ve been feeling sad because Christmas isn’t about all this crap, and all this crap doesn’t make Christmas itself wrong or bad. Here’s to finding our joy and getting to the true meaning (in our pjs with some chocolates close by)! You made my day/strength in numbers 🙂

  • Reply Jen December 18, 2014 at 1:47 am

    Carrie, wow, you’ve put a lot on yourself. It is ok to say no! You don’t need to explain. If people don’t get it or respect it, that is their issue. The most important thing you can do is recognize what you need and then advocate for yourself. It sounds like you are doing just that. xo

    • Reply This Free Bird December 18, 2014 at 1:55 am

      Dude. I am generally pretty good about saying no and do it on the reg, but for some reason this year I am being put on the spot left, right and center with the disapproval. After awhile it really starts to eat away at me. Ripping those ornaments seemed to be a great stress relief, odd as it sounds. I’ve nutted up on some stuff, but have to take care of a couple more biggies this week. It sucks to feel bad just for saying NO to something you never wanted or intended to do anyway. Boundaries people, BOUNDARIES. And then also how to balance it so as not to be an inflexible bitch.

  • Reply This Free Bird December 18, 2014 at 1:44 am

    That Godiva hot chocolate had me up well into the night. I have some of that magic in my cupboard…unopened. (EYEBALL EMOJI). You know what else, we aren’t even doing a big Christmas amongst ourselves. It’s the in your face consumption frenzy around me (and I’ve only gone out into it twice) that’s been a sock between the eyes. Normally it doesn’t phase me, but for some reason this year it seems really over the top and it’s got me down. That and the expectations to be everywhere, be ON and be filled with glee. Damn, I just want a nap and some dinner amongst friends. Whatever happened to comfort and joy? 🙁

  • Reply Katie December 18, 2014 at 1:13 am

    Flip on some 25 days of Christmas and call it a day. Scaling back this year has seriously been so good for my psyche. I know it will be impossible for Lucas not to be excited about toys as he gets older, but I really want him to also be excited about decorating cookies, and looking at lights, and most importantly enjoying the deliciousness of a cup of Godiva hot chocolate – because hot damn that was good.

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