Living

How to make friends after 40 when you don’t have kids

September 12, 2018

Yesterday the phone rang while I was in the middle of a research project. Looking over at the dreaded call display I said to myself, I do not know Toby J********* therefore I shan’t be answering that. Half an hour later I noticed there was a voicemail, leaving me to assume someone was trying to get me to shampoo the carpets again. Isn’t it interesting how they can now call under fake numbers so it looks like they’re local but…

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Life

2017 Recap – Don’t look back

January 4, 2018

Last night the pizza delivery guy showed up around 9:30 just as a sore throat claimed my last coherent moments of December 30, 2017. I walked outside barefoot because old habits die hard and he was wandering in the street like a lost dog looking from the receipt on the bag to the sky like wtf is this place. Yes sir, I feel you. I’m not going to give a moment, a breath, a keystroke to talking about the person…

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Life

#Pumpkingate

October 31, 2017

Just before sundown tonight I was sitting in my office when the Asian kid across the street lost his everloving shit and kicked his pumpkins all over into the street. There I was, typing away at my computer, when I noticed in the mirror of my screen the kid watching me from his front stoop. I turned around to look and sure enough eyeball emoji staring back. Oh no Michael Myers you have a full 24 ’til go time and…

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Life

The Big One

September 19, 2017

Last year on this day I turned on my computer, swallowed my fear, and went back to work. It’s been a whole year. I made it. Yesterday we had a bit of a shitstorm and my boss said to me, “Carrie, I love you. I mean I f*cking love you. If you try to go somewhere and take a different job I will hunt you down, put you in handcuffs and drag you back to the office.” Some people might…

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