Chris and I were looking for a parking spot at the farmer’s market when I saw this rad van. We got out just across from it and he snapped a picture of me. When we walked away I said, “It’s like it was waiting for me.”
Yesterday I was feeling a little discouraged. After last week’s stellar sales on eBay things had hit a lull. I feel like I’m so close to the end of shedding old things and just want it to be over. Is it gone yet?
Isn’t that the way it is though?
We want something, don’t immediately get it and feel like giving up.
This thought came to me as I was getting ready for bed last night. On a whim around 7 o’clock I decided to go back in the closet for a final sweep to see if anything else could go. I’m not sure if it was the pile of laundry waiting to be put away or the heavy feeling of still too much, but suddenly I saw that space with a set of fresh eyes and ended up with a new pile of stuff to sell. Good things, hard to get rid of things that made me uncomfortable, queasy frankly, even though I know it’s the right thing to do.
And then when I came out of the closet, several of the items that had been sitting on eBay sold.
It was a telling moment.
It’s all about timing.
I feel like I’m being stripped of a lot of things that used to define me. Underneath I can feel my old self, my true self, emerging again. I want it to be now. But maybe the stripping isn’t done yet; maybe the real work, the most painful, is yet to come. Hopefully when enough of the old is gone, there will be room for the new. I’m just trying to do my part in clearing out what needs to be eliminated, even if I’m not entirely sure what that is yet.
I’m finding a lot of lessons in the little things these days. I’m grateful for eyes that see and the patience that’s being formed in me to withstand and participate in my own process. There is growth here.